5 strategies for coping with a tough diagnosis
When hard news hits, figuring out what to do next may feel overwhelming. But there are ways to cope.
When Dr. Ellen Astrachan-Fletcher got a call one day from her best friend, Kim, the news was bad. Kim had a terminal illness. She was told by her doctor that she had only a few months left to live.
Kim had young children. She was heartbroken. She also felt guilty at the thought of leaving them too soon. “She needed somebody to listen to her — not to tell her that it wasn’t her fault, and she was being ridiculous,” says Dr. Astrachan-Fletcher. “She needed somebody to validate her feelings.”
Dr. Astrachan-Fletcher helped Kim write future letters for her children to read during birthdays, when they were about to head off to college, and on their wedding days. “I helped her think through ways she might have an impact on their lives, even after she was gone. I was glad I was able to be there for her, to hear her cry, and to listen to her talk about how scared she was.”
Dr. Astrachan-Fletcher is no stranger to these types of talks. She’s a clinical psychologist who teaches at Northwestern University in Illinois. Of course, that didn’t make this time with her friend any less painful. But Dr. Astrachan-Fletcher believes that talking with her helped put Kim’s mind at ease.
Maybe you’re coping with a loved one’s life-changing diagnosis. Or perhaps you’re coming to terms with your own. Either way, you’re going through a tough time. Nothing will make that easier. But there are coping strategies that can help you make your way through the darkness. Here are 5 tips to try.
1. Take a deep breath
Getting a serious health diagnosis can be devastating. Your first step, says Dr. Astrachan-Fletcher, is to hit the pause button. “This is enormous, difficult information to digest,” she says. “Don’t make any rash decisions. No matter what your first impulse might be, take some time to take it all in.”
Give yourself the freedom to feel anything, whether that’s frustration, anger, or fear.
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2. Lean on loved ones
Who are the friends and family members you call when things are great — and not so great? Those are the ones you should call on.
“Connecting with people is the most important thing right now,” says Dr. Astrachan-Fletcher. “Reach out for support. Allow yourself to be honest. Cry if you need to.”
Not comfortable being open with your loved ones? Look into support groups. Some good resources: griefshare.org and cancer.org. Think about what you’re looking for from a group. Maybe you want to chat with others having the same treatment or gather more info. You can usually find a program that fits your needs.
3. Put yourself first
It’s important to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else. After all, illness or death of a loved one is among the most stressful events people go through in life.
For you, self-care might be getting a massage or watching a favorite movie. It might also be talking to a therapist. You know what’s helped you in the past. Whatever that is, do more of it now.
4. Write it out
Writing about stressful events can help us make sense of what we’re facing. Even writing a thank-you note can help boost feelings of well-being. Think about keeping a journal. Or dash off a note to someone who did a small act of kindness for you.
5. Move your body
When you're dealing with tough news, you might not be able to run a mile or even get to the gym. But even gentle exercise has been shown to boost your mood. So, during stressful times, walking around the block might just be enough to brighten your outlook.
